Achieving Your Destiny –  Part VI

Mia L. Hazlett

Success requires an accountability manager. Who are they? They are the person who will hold you accountable for doing what you say you are going to do. I unaccountability-businessderstand Part V was about silence, but believe it or not, you can be your worst obstacle. Sometimes you are okay with failing yourself. Your accountability manager will not allow failure to be an option.
Who is my accountability manager? My BFF. Is it because she’s my BFF? Not at all. She possesses the characteristics accountability managers require.

1. Set and achieved personal and professional goals.
2. Does not sugarcoat criticism.
3. Has failed and overcome obstacles, both personally and professionally.
4. Can encourage you, based on experience.
5. Has celebrated your past accomplishments.

All of these characteristics are essential if your accountability manager is going to be effective.

1. Why would you take advice from someone with no goals, or if they have them, has never achieved them? My BFF can relate to me when I get impatient. Yup, waiting for things to pass is my downfall. But my BFF is able to say, “Remember when I said I wanted to move, it’s taken a year for the full cycle to happen. Be patient.” She had a relevant story she could refer to, when I was looking for the immediate gratification.

2. My BFF is organic with honesty. I don’t know why. She knows I enjoy processed artificially flavored treats, but it doesn’t stop her. You need someone who is going to tell you the truth, your feelings aside. They are not there to crush your dreams. They are there to make sure you are doing what you said you would do. “So what you’re saying is you want to write books that people will read, but you aren’t reading anything right now? Interesting.” Quite the jerk, but I heard salad is better than Pop Tarts.

3. They won’t join your pity party when you fail or come short of your desired results. When someone has failed, they are able to relate to how you’re feeling, but they can also show you how to get back on your feet. “So you really think it’s all over for you? You’re never going to find a job. This is it? You’re not the only unemployed person. But, I’ve never heard of someone getting a job from pouting. I’ve heard of someone not getting a job for pouting.” Completely organic, but spoken from someone who had moved from one city to another and experienced unemployment for some time. Empathy, not sympathy.

4. Have you ever talked to someone who has never “walked in your shoes”? They’re annoying as all hell. They become your cheerleaders when they don’t know why they are cheering. So when you hit a little bump on your way up, they can sympathize with you, but they can’t offer the advice of how to overcome the obstacle. They tend to encourage quitting. But if they have been “in your shoes” before, from the get-go, they can tell you it’s not going to be easy, some of the pitfalls they faced, and how to overcome them. “Being a single mother isn’t going to be easy, but you can do it. Cry when you need to cry, but remember not to be too hard on yourself. Kids don’t come with directions.”

5. HATERS! We all have them. Your accountability manager has to want you to achieve your dream as badly as you want to achieve it. The true measure if they genuinely want you to win, is when your winning will not benefit them in the least. “If you’re not going to say you’re a writer, I will.” That mean jerk was claiming my dreams for me.

You can try to make it by yourself, but with an accountability manager, you will have someone at the finish line to do some good yelling, screaming, and celebrating!

© 2016 Mia L. Hazlett

The Other Side

Mia LNature_Mountains_Snow-capped_mountains_on_the_horizon_030168_. Hazlett

After 7 years of separation and battling the courts for a simple court date, my storm ended last week.  While our eighteen year relationship will continue, our twelve year marriage came to an end.

Throughout the years of our separation it has been a constant emotional storm for me.  I’m not the person who stays friends with the ex.  It’s not who I am.  If we’re over, we’re over.  I have enough friends in my life; I don’t need to start adding exes to that list.

But this guy.  I’m stuck with this guy.  We have two beautiful daughters together and every Sunday for a few hours, he shows up.  For birthday parties and Christmas, he’s there.  That’s how co-parenting works.  That’s how the love for our children works.  And we do love our children.  Because we love them, we even attempted reconciliation for a few months here and there. But I realized I had moved on in my life.  God was moving me forwards, not backwards.

The misconception that many people have is that divorce is easy.  It’s not.  Even though we’ve had years of separation, we’ve also been a part of each others’ lives for almost two decades.  I get it; there are a massive amount of couples who have to have a strict court order in able to function through the parenting aspect of the relationship.

We didn’t want a court to dictate the relationship with our children or with each other for that matter.  We sat next to each other laughing and joking in the courtroom. We battled emotions and discussed not going through with it, but I thought God finally put me here after 7 years.  We stood outside for an hour after being evacuated for a bomb scare.  We both shared the same feeling, “maybe this is a sign.”

It wasn’t.  We returned to the courtroom and our 12 years ended in less than 10 minutes.  It was heartbreaking, and I allowed my heart to break for a week.  But then I shut down the pity party and began making plans for THE OTHER SIDE.

© 2016 Mia L. Hazlett

Kids With Wings, Moms With Wings 

Screen Shot 2015-07-24 at 9.41.32 AMI believe that kids are taught most of their fears. If mom is scared of bugs, then more than likely so are the kids. I am sure we all know a big giant guy who runs from tiny spiders. His momma taught him that.

I believe that if you practice things and get familiar with things early in life, they are not so scary when you grow up.

This is important because most people do not succeed financially or emotionally if they are afraid to take risks, and step out into unfamiliar territory.

Continue reading Kids With Wings, Moms With Wings 

Yes You Can

By: Mia L. Hazlett

6/29/15

There was this night that come about in my marriage when my husband and I separated. I was devastated. The only thing that came to mind was, how am I going to do this by myself? “This”, was how do I raise my daughters alone. I automatically put myself in every stereotypical statistical category and felt hopeless. What would I do as a single black divorced mother? How would I survive? How would I raise them to not become like me? What was going to happen? I even researched stories about marital and professional success of women raised without fathers. Every hope and dream I had for my daughters went out the window the night I stood over them as their single mother.

As I reflect six years later, that night is not laughable, but memorable. I had reason to fear and be concerned for my daughters’ future. It was not my plan to raise my daughters by myself. But it wasn’t just about raising them, it was about surviving on a single income. How? I had seen two of my closest friends confront this struggle and in my eyes perform flawlessly. Even though throughout the years I saw their tears and listened to their pain, I knew they had so much more strength than I did.

Continue reading Yes You Can

Achieving Your Destiny – V

Achieving Your Destiny- Part V
By: Mia L. Hazlett
3/10/15

Step IV – Silence

I know when you are working towards your destiny it’s exciting. At least for me it was. If someone got me talking about my book, I would go on and on. The thing was, we weren’t on the same path. At the time I wrote my book, I was unemployed and living (at the beginning of the book, in Texas at my friend’s and then at my parents’ house.) Trust me when I say times were beyond stressful and difficult, but writing was my peace in the torrential hurricane which was my life.

But even though I was so excited about my book, no one else was. I had this little bit of light in my dark tunnel, but everyone had shaped out my priorities for me. As if getting a job and finding my own place for me and my daughters wasn’t a priority. So because of what others had to say about me and my dream, I quit on my dream for a while. I conformed to the little box they lived their lives in and became more miserable.

But a passionate desire to fulfill my destiny could not be stopped. I continued to write my book. This time I did it silently. It was nobody’s business how I made myself happy. I found in my silence, people all of a sudden became interested in my book. They were used to me talking about it and now I had nothing to say. I began to realize, they didn’t care about my actual book, they cared if I had achieved or failed. I remained silent. My achievement or failure was none of their business.

Continue reading Achieving Your Destiny – V

Love Killers: Perfection 

People are human.

I know that seems a bit redundant, but let me explain from the context of relationships. I know you are probably flawless, but most humans have the capacity to be sad, angry, scared, liars, too honest…even the most prayerful and perfect people fall short.

When we are in love we tend to expect our partner to embody our vision of perfection every moment of every day.

When they fall a little short, we “try” to live with their flaws.

Continue reading Love Killers: Perfection 

Love Killers: Thirst

The desire to not appear “thirsty” has to be one of they big reasons couples today struggle to get new relationships off the ground.

You are considered needy or crazy if you don’t participate in the struggle not appear like you don’t need a parter on this earth. Women act distracted and aloof even in the midst of the perfect guy. Men make it a point to distract themselves to the point where they ignore women, and call it “just being a man”.

Both men and women will quickly kick to the curb any partner who seems to enjoy their company too much.

So then we all end up in love with only the most careless and non committal of all the partners we’ve had to choose from. And we complain when the partner we have settled upon does not pay too much attention to us.

It’s because everyone has trained each other to appreciate dehydration in a partner.

Continue reading Love Killers: Thirst

We are all going through something, never forget you are not alone

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